I Lost My Blog (Dang it)

 ...Or rather I can't figure out how to log back in because Blogger made it damn near impossible to find it. I suppose I could spend some time internet researching how to get back into my old account but then again that would mean expending energy, something I do not have in terrible spades to begin with, along with patience. The alternative is to start anew and refer back to my older blog (http://americandesiredefined.blogspot.com/) every once in a while with warm longing and love. I can also freely steal from it so this is a win/win/sin situation. I can also simply embrace that I'm losing my tech mojo, no longer able to navigate the intricacies of a webpage. *Gasp* I refuse to believe this option because it would mean I'm old. Not yet, readers, not just yet. 

Let's begin at the beginning (for that's the only place to start) with some facts about me, my life, my small little me-ness. My FB friends probably know a lot about me already so this is more for those who are just stumbling onto my post and decided to *click*.

• My name is Rubina but often I refer to myself as Rubes online. Yup, not giving the last name. Heck, even the last name on my Facebook isn't my real one. I have another name that my family calls me or my closest desi (a person of Indian, Pakistani, or Bangladeshi birth or descent who lives abroad) acquaintances. I'll eventually tell you all about it.
  
  
• I live right outside of Washington D.C. in Virginia. 
  
  
• As you're reading this, I'm unemployed. As you're reading this, I'm trying to get a job. I will.
  
  
• I'm 48. I have problems really wrapping my head around that number. It seems incredible that I've been around as long as I have. Not because I live some crazy on-the-edge sort of life thus I didn't expect to live this long. I'm not that badass. But you know, FORTY-EIGHT YEARS. Wasn't I 21 just a few years ago? I guess know. Just to be clear, while I'm slightly woozy about the number, it doesn't mean I do not love my age. I actually do.
  
  
• I'm an American Bangladeshi. You will learn much, much more about this throughout the journey of my blogging. Actually, if I want to be super accurate, I'm an American Bangladeshi/Indian. For those who do not know where Bdesh is on the map:
  
  
  
  
  
  
• I am Muslim. Again, way more information to come regarding this. Most of it will be stolen from that other blog I had because shoot, a lot of time went into crafting those. My theism is what has made me the person I am today. I will NOT be trying to convert you to Islam. If I speak about it, it will be in terms of how it has impacted me throughout life and created the blogger who hopefully you'll love and adore (and follow). 
  
  
• My personal situation in my life is just that, personal. I don't tend to share information such as displaying loved ones' names in my writing because to me that is an invasion of privacy and can make them feel ways that may not be good. I'm not about the whole calling-out thing unless it's truly necessary. Overall I just think that specifics of status take away from the overall message.
  
  
• I'm a writer though one would wonder how much of it I do and do I have any formal writing to my name. For years the mojo disappeared and thus have zero clues as to how to log onto my blog account. But in my mind, I am constantly writing something. The disconnect is to transfer it to paper. As for the, "'can I read your writing anywhere other than your blog?" question...no. I'm a wimp and cannot find the gumption to get any of my work published.
  
  
• I'm always open to comments and feedback. My life is not lived within a vacuum and I am always out to improve myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Be kind, be polite, feel free to let me know your thoughts.
  
  
• I'm human which means I fuck up all the time. I will display this human side of me in ways sometimes which I even think are unnecessary. But I'm trying to be raw. Kinda. Sorta. Let's see how much of this rawness I can actually show.
  
  
• I am overweight. Phew, to write this statement out is HUGE. I struggle with this a lot. I will be talking about it. Don't be uncomfortable about it. I don't hate myself. Well, most of the time I don't. But there will be times when I will speak of it in despairing ways. I probably will get dark. Those darknesses are apart of my overall light. Know that this has nothing to do with you and you don't have to pity me, neither do you have to be disgusted with me. Just read me. 
  
  
• I'm a brown person living in a predominantly white landmass (namely the USA). There's so very much to say about this topic, so much that has impacted me in my growth and overall outlook in life, so much that so many do not know/understand. All browns are not equal in experiences while we very well may share the same feelings. I believe expounding upon these things helps to help bridge misunderstandings/confusion. 

That leads me smoothly into my mission statement for this blog: To share experiences, thoughts, and overall life crap that will prove that while I look different, I am absolutely the same as you, no matter your skin color, race, background, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, etc. In fact, whether you are sitting at the table next to me in this wonderfully socially distanced cafe or you're 15,000 miles away insomnia-ridden due to anxiety of some sort or another, we are more similar than dissimilar. We experience human emotions in common forms, we look for light, love, positivity within our own spheres, we want to be happy and included even as we may feel terribly, terribly lonely. 

I'm sure overall I could be far more eloquent however the one thing I do strive for in my blog is to be real. Or at least I try. I mean, sure I fail but then again, failure is apart of the human condition, right? 

Oh, and I just started this blog. There are no bells and whistles on my page yet. I'll add them like color and layout along with other fancy stuff once I get my bearings and have time. 

So, as the kids like to say, "let's do this thing!" (wait, the kids do say this still, right?)

Welcome to my world! <3